Movie #79 2020: Fast & Furious (2009)

Geez, they really got creative with the title of this movie, didn’t they?

For the purposes of this review, I’ll name it Fast 4, because let’s face it, that shit is confusing.

Okay, let’s start with a fact: this movie is better than Tokyo Drift… But only just. (Click HERE for that review if you missed it!) But there’s very little reason for that other than they got the gang back (plus Gal Gadot) for this one.

God, this movie felt so much longer than it was. Apparently it was only 107 minutes – or an hour and 47 minutes to normal people – but it felt like 307. It starts off okay in usual Fast fashion; with a high octane truck heist which is extremely unrealistic but undeniably entertaining to watch. Then my attention was taken away almost immediately afterwards.

I can’t even remember what I was distracted by. Was it a bird? Was it a plane? What ever mundane thing took my eye away from this movie, that just goes to show how utterly tedious it was. I cannot stress this enough: Not. Enough. Car. Races. What’s the fucking point in a movie about driving if there are no car chases?! Someone explain this to me, because I can’t think of a single excuse.

Anyway, after said truck heist, the entire film dragged in a way I can only describe as a baby on ice skates. You’re skating along but you have to tow this small child with no leg strength around behind you. That’s this movie. (Apologies for the poor analogy). Know what could have fixed that, even if only slightly? MORE. CAR. RACES.

The cast do well enough in their performances considering the half-arsed story line they were given. But… sigh.

I can only hope that Fast Five is the step up that I hear it is…

While we’re here, ten minutes after I finished Fast Four, I couldn’t remember anything about it.

If you really want to torture yourself some more after Tokyo Drift, Fast Four is also available on Sky Cinema/Go and NowTV.

TQR Category Ratings:

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