Movie #54 2022: Morbius (2022)

It has only been around 45 minutes since I finished Morbius and I already can’t remember 90% of what happened in it. Good start! Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ll know that the majority of people have indulged in slandering the movie, so of course I decided to torture myself and see what all the negative fuss was about.

Morbius is Sony’s latest foray into the world of Marvel, joining Venom in being a Marvel movie that is not an MCU movie. It’s all very confusing, especially when there has been some crossover between Sony’s Marvel movies and the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies as of late. Anyway, just remember that this is not an MCU movie, so it was never going to be as good as Captain America: The Winter Soldier or Thor: Ragnarok. In short, it is based on the comic book character of the same name: a terminally-ill medical genius who is looking for a cure to the disease that plagues him. When he discovers that vampire bats hold the answer, he finds himself endowed with vampiric super-strength and bat-like echolocation abilities.

Immediately, there’s a lot to dislike with this. Most prominently, you can just tell Jared Leto thinks he’s giving an Oscar-winning performance here… which is simultaneously hilarious and squirm-inducing. So that’s a big X in terms of leading performance.

What makes no sense at all is the fact that this movie is literally about a creepy vampire anti-hero, yet somehow it’s as dull as dishwater. Such mundanity begins with an ill-conceived script in which no two lines of dialogue ever sound like something actual people would say, and continues down the same dull and dreary path with a rushed, almost plotless storyline. If Sony knew what was good for them, they’d have quit while they were ahead with Spider-Man. They won’t, though. And that’s what makes it worse. 

I mean, just what was Sony thinking? What was Matt Smith thinking? What was Jared Harris thinking?! I almost feel sorry for everyone involved. Morbius had the potential for some cool, original special effects, but even those fall completely short and look outdated by at least two decades. Even the make up is flawed and I’m not one to criticise that sort of thing usually. (Although it’s kind of hard to blame them when a lot of the ‘make up’ is clearly poor CGI enhancement.) It’s nearly impossible to come up with any redeeming features whatsoever, when it comes down to it.

What are the positives then? As someone who tries to look for the good in things, this one was a real challenge. Well… the lighting is pretty good? Some of the shots are interesting, I guess. Matt Smith’s performance isn’t terrible… aaaaand that’s about it. There’s not even an exciting soundtrack to save it slightly – even the sound effects are average and unoriginal.

To narrow it down, if there’s one word to describe Morbius, it’s messy. Not only is it littered with plot holes but it is poorly and chaotically edited and has easily one of the worst, most predictable scripts of the year, if not the decade. For something so basic it should be easy to follow, yet somehow it’ll give you a headache. There’s no wonder this movie has become the butt of all jokes.

If there’s a sequel in the works, count me out.

Morbius is currently (and inexplicably) still screening in some cinemas across the UK. You can also rent it on Sky Movies Premiere for £15.99… but I advise strongly against it.

TQR Category Ratings:

Performance:  (I’d give Matt Smith a 4Q rating, for the record)
Costume & Set Design: 
Overall Enjoyability Rating: 

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