Jesus. Christ. Why can’t they just let it die? For a franchise about magic, it all feels like the magic disappeared a long time ago.
In this third instalment… some stuff happened apparently. I genuinely cannot remember the point of this movie for the life of me. So over to Letterboxd:
In an effort to thwart Grindelwald’s plans of raising pure-blood wizards to rule over all non-magical beings, Albus Dumbledore enlists his former student Newt Scamander, who agrees to help, though he’s unaware of the dangers that lie ahead. Lines are drawn as love and loyalty are tested, even among the truest friends and family, in an increasingly divided wizarding world.
(https://letterboxd.com/film/fantastic-beasts-the-secrets-of-dumbledore/)
Okay, hear me out. I know Newt Scamander is technically the main character, but fuck me he’s so annoying. Wouldn’t it be better if they just… wrote him out completely?
On a related note, this shit is way too long. Don’t ask me exactly what happens in this movie, and don’t ask me exactly why they did the majority of things they did in this movie either. Like, the little magic deer is cute but… what? Very little actually happens for a movie that’s almost 2.5 hours long – maybe they should stop letting R*wling write these scripts.
On a positive note, Jude Law is a pretty intriguing, mysterious Dumbledore, and the fact that Johnny Depp was replaced by Mads Mikkelsen is actually pretty painless due to the fact that Mikkelsen is so menacing and fun to watch. Eddie Redmayne though? I mean, I think I’ve voiced my feelings clearly enough on that one…
What I will say is that the CGI is typically very polished and well put together, which is expected from a Harry Potter universe movie. However, using some of the soundtrack from the original movies is such a cheap move; trying to evoke nostalgia because the Fantastic Beasts trilogy is so dire is so desperate. We see what you’re doing, Warner Bros. And it’s not working.
On the whole? Completely forgettable. Sadly it did well at the box office, so we’ll more than likely be forced into watching more of this drivel. Thankfully, I didn’t pay to see it.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore is available to rent on Apple TV+ for £4.99.
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